Guest Arti­cle by Solic­i­tor James Maguire.

‘Mum and Dad Glue’ by Kes Gray is a book I came across recent­ly, writ­ten for young chil­dren whose par­ents are sep­a­rat­ing or divorc­ing. As a fam­i­ly Lawyer, advis­ing par­ents tack­ling such issues every day, I found this book rather mov­ing, and a good reminder of the wider impact of divorce on every mem­ber of the family.

This par­tic­u­lar book is about a lit­tle boy who tries to find a pot of ​‘par­ent glue’ to stick his mum and dad back togeth­er; in his eyes, his par­ents have ​‘come undone’ and he wants ​‘to mend their mar­riage, stick their smiles back on and make them bet­ter’. Heart-wrench­ing stuff, I think you’ll agree.

Nowa­days, sep­a­ra­tion and divorce are sad­ly famil­iar con­cepts even to chil­dren, and there is a grow­ing range of chil­dren’s lit­er­a­ture aimed at help­ing chil­dren of sep­a­rat­ing par­ents to under­stand, and come to terms with, their own sit­u­a­tion. After all, these are still adult con­cepts, often dif­fi­cult for chil­dren to understand.

Research sug­gests that chil­dren often blame them­selves when their par­ents sep­a­rate, and may find it hard to adjust to such changes as hav­ing two homes (and gen­er­al­ly two of every­thing), the sale of their fam­i­ly home, and pos­si­bly even mov­ing away from the friends they have grown up with.

Read­ing sto­ry books with your chil­dren which are gen­tly themed about sep­a­ra­tion can be an impor­tant means of com­mu­ni­cat­ing on these dif­fi­cult issues, and of help­ing them to adjust.

In Mum and Dad Glue, the over­rid­ing mes­sage is that, whilst the lit­tle boy’s par­ents may appear ​‘bro­ken’ to him (in that they are no longer togeth­er), their love for him is sol­id, secure and above all, ​‘unbro­ken’. It is so easy to for­get, espe­cial­ly when in the midst of a painful break-up, that for chil­dren, sta­bil­i­ty, reas­sur­ance and hon­esty are key. If you are strug­gling to man­age your own emo­tions, books such as this may help you to re-focus your atten­tion on the children.

Vis­it our web­site for fur­ther advice on deal­ing with divorce www​.fam​i​ly​-law​.co​.uk.

Ulti­mate­ly, chil­dren will usu­al­ly feel hap­py and set­tled if their par­ents are sim­i­lar­ly hap­py, whether or not they are liv­ing apart. It is essen­tial there­fore to focus every effort on ensur­ing a divorce or sep­a­ra­tion divorce is resolved in a con­cil­ia­to­ry and ami­ca­ble way, to stand the best chance of a pos­i­tive out­come for your children.

If any of these issues are affect­ing you, con­tact local fam­i­ly law accred­it­ed spe­cial­ist James Maguire for a free, no-oblig­a­tion chat 01625 544 650⁄01625 529 456.